Back to the Past
by arianawest8
Summary: Rose Hathaway had everything she could possible want...a perfect best friend and a great boyfriend. But after a huge fight with Lissa ending up with her getting fired and a fall out with Dimitri when he told her he was taking her role as Lissa's guardian...Rose flees St. Vladamir's forever, but her past will catch up with her especially when she suddenly has everything to lose.
1. Chapter 1: Fall out

***Disclaimer***

**Me: *Rose?***

**Rose: *What?***

**Me: *Can you pls do the disclaimer?***

**Rose: *No.***

**Me: *Why?***

**Rose: *Cuz I don't feel like it.***

**Me: *I'll give you and Dimitri a make out scene later on in the story.***

**Rose: *Oh hell yeah! Ariana does not own anything except her original characters, everything else belongs to Richelle Mead.***

**Me: *Thanx Rose...enjoy!***

**Rose P.O.V**

Friday...finally, I was fed up with this stupid waking up early crap, usually I broke every one of my alarm clocks. I was sick of wearing the constricting uniform and boring colors, I wanted to do something fun and crazy for once in the time Lissa had become queen and I her guardian. I felt so caged and a break was much needed though I wasn't really the one who desperately needed it...Lissa needed one much more.

Now as queen she barely got any time off form me or for Christian. I missed her and as much as I couldn't feel her emotions anymore I know that she missed me, I also missed Dimitri. He had been gone for almost a month on some guardian training with Christian, his charge and Lissa's boyfriend. I began to feel alone, with Christian and Dimitri gone off to Missoula for the exercise and with Lissa being pulled this way and that with royal tasks, meetings and balls I was the only one of my friends who wasn't busy.

Not wanting to be alone I decided to go to court and see what Lissa was up to, what? I didn't have anything better to do. I needed to change first so heading to my dorm I changed out of the stiff boring uniform and into a pair of black leggings, a red tank top with a black leather jacket over it and a pair of lace up boots. I put my hair into a side braid before leaving. Hopping one of the school's private Honda cars I jacked it and left pretending to be totally natural.

_Come on..._I told myself as I couldn't work the standard gear shift, _finally. _I smiled as the car rumbled alive and I pressed the gas pedal hard, I was always a crazy driver, it made me feel like there were no limits...except the speed limits which I promptly ignored. I turned on the radio and sang along with it for a few minuted before putting a CD in...the music was terrible...some pop country crap.

I reached court in 20 min with the way I drove but I was pretty sure that I had given the Honda which was technically school property a flat from driving so hard and fast. I flashed my ID at the guardians standing at the front door to the castle. I walked in like I owned the place, my usual bravado surfacing as I searched the court halls for Lissa. "Liss?" I called, "Rose!" Lissa came out of her personal dressing room less than a second later, she dressed casual and girly all the time but just like Tatiana she changed once announcing or addressing the counsel made up of 12 royal families.

She was currently wearing a long-sleeved red dress with a black velvet belt, her dress had a train that touched the floor, she had 6 inch black heels on and her silky blond hair had been straightened and put into one of those complicated, sophisticated buns. "Wow...you look beautiful," I said breathlessly. She smiled before confessing, "this dress is less breathable than the school uniform." I laughed, "what are you doing here?" She asked, "it's Friday and I had to get out of the school grounds." She turned to look back at the counsel room, "well would you like to see a court meeting? Were discussing the fun topic of Strigoi attacks on Moroi homes," I felt the need to go...seeing as being a dhampir I had to know these things. "definitely," She walked with me to the big wooden double doors and I pulled them open for her.

All the royal families were there, I saw the Ivashkovs sitting near the front and averted my eyes, Adrian still hadn't talk to me after our blowout confrontation where I admitted to having sex with Dimitri while he and I were still dating. I steered clear of them but passed right under the radar of the Szelsky family I saw them give me a cold hard look as I passed and even though I averted my eyes they still stared at me. "Alright order! Order!" Lissa sounded like a judge, "Were all worried and a little concerned after the Strigoi attack in Russia..." _Russia! That's where my mother currently was! _I thought to myself, "But being angry and rash won't help anything...we need to unite." Lissa raised her fist as a sign of determination and strength, "Now we will hear all the ideas for battle plans but I will go alphabetically." I saw her move among each family's pews as they shouted their ideas at her, the first family had an idea about letting a huge group of dhampirs train all novices to fight now instead of waiting for them to eventually graduate so they're would be more protection on Moroi citizens. Lissa politely considered that one, another family suggested the Moroi community hide among humans unnoticed like Lissa and I had done for 2 yrs. after running away from the academy and the second to last family thought that Moroi should begin fighting alongside dhampirs so our kind weren't so alone and helpless. I wanted to punch the guy who said the helpless part, finally the last family explained their idea.

"Well you highness my family and I think it would be best that we eliminate dhampir guardians altogether," Lissa looked shocked and so was everyone else who now were staring at the middle aged women who said the ridiculous comment. "But dhampir guardians are what're protecting us," Lissa said calmly re-composing herself. "Yes and look at what a marvelous job they've done so far...no hard feelings you majesty but I believe we need to up the security because as we all can see dhampirs are seriously slacking off and aren't protecting anyone that well anymore...Moroi would be more safe if we fended for ourselves and if we hired professionals to guard us instead of novices freshly out of diapers." I was steaming at that...that bitch how dare she say anything against dhampirs? She probably wouldn't have lasted a day without her guardian the little twit, I was probably letting my anger control me because I went up to her and tapped her shoulder. "Listen lady if it weren't for dhampirs you'd be dead," I said matter'o factly. "You have no idea what your up against out there so if you think you'd last one day your nuts," I was being reckless and not keeping my self-control but I didn't care at the moment...I kept going.

"Ma'am I know that you 'guardians' think your all that but thousand of Moroi have died under your supervision" She was gonna get punched if she kept talking, "And more than a thousand dhampirs have dedicated their entire lives to protecting Moroi and we've died because of it...show some gratitude." I spouted but the women didn't stop, "honestly if it were up to me you'd be fired in a heart beat and all dhampir men would be useless to our community and all the women would be bloodwhores." That was the final straw, "Well it's not up to you is it? And this is what I'm gonna do with your honesty," I punched her square in the nose.

Lissa's eyes were wide and furious which made me re-think my rash action, "Rose!" She scolded me harshly, I watch as the women's nose started to bleed and as she passed out. I saw Lissa order the court doctor to treat her and I felt all the burning stares of everyone in the court room because I had punched a royal...I had gotten above my station. "Rose I need to talk to you now," Lissa seethed and I gulped...I had never seen her this mad especially at me but I had embarrassed her because I was her personal guardian who had just punched a very important counsel member.

"Rose damn it what was that?" She exclaimed once we were safely out of earshot and behind the closed double doors, "I'm sorry she was being a bitch and I was only defending dhampirs...my race." I said pointing to myself, "Well Rose I'm gonna be held accountable for this and now because of you this family might withdraw from the counsel." I shivered at her cold tone, "she was getting too high and mighty...she wanted to wipe dhampirs from Moroi society! That bitch is crazy!" I cried and Lissa rubbed her temples..."Rose if your gonna lose you temper like that at the slightest thing than I have no choice." "No choice but what?" I was honestly scared...how far would Lissa go to protect her crown? "No other choice than to strip you of you guardian rights and fire you from being my personal dhampir guardian." I chocked, "What!? No please come on Lissa you can't do that!" She let one single tear slip down her face before re-opening the door to re-enter the counsel room. "I'm sorry guardian Hathaway but you are fired."

She closed the double doors behind her, I was petrified into place like that exchange just hadn't happened, another guardian came to strip me of all my rights, duties and so on. I no longer had a right to see Lissa-not that she probably wanted to see me-and I would have to re-take my guardian classes to be re-instated as a full fledged guardian. I walked back to the academy completely forgetting the Honda parked in the court parking lot, the school would have to just deal with. I walked the 5 miles back despite my aching feet, I opened my dorm room and sat on my bed for a while before changing into something comfortable to sleep in...before even taking out my shirt someone tapped on my dorm room window...Dimitri.

I smiled widely needing some TLC after today's events, "hey what are you doing back I though you were in Missoula with Christian?" I asked hugging him tightly, "well Lissa called us." I instantly frowned, "she told us how you exploded, yelled at a royal and how you have to be re-instated to regain your title." I tugged him over to my bed, "it's unfair isn't it?" He gave a small smile, "well we finished up early in Missoula so Christian went to see Lissa and I have to see my former student." I tried-and failed-to raise a brow at him, "Former student? Why bring that up?" "Because to be re-instated as Lissa's guardian you need to pass an expert guardian training class-my training class." I gasped, "really? Your my mentor again?" He nodded, "Yes! At least this'll be fun!" I pressed my lips to his for a quick kiss, or was supposed to be a quick kiss because her deepened it-really deepened it.

"So anyway what got you so tightened up today in court?" Dmitri asked innocently, "don't play dumb...Lissa told you." I said tracing his collar bone with my index finger...the nail painted a crimson red, "Yeah she did...and she also explained how she nearly had a riot on her hands because of what you did." I instantly felt bad for my actions, "I just got so mad." I said after a moment of silence, "Rose we talked about self-control in your early novice days when I was still your instructor." I shrugged, "well now you'll be re-teaching me so we can go over that again." I planted a kiss on the exposed skin of his neck, he smiled again...I loved his smile. "So anyway why were you at the court at all?" "Cause I was lonely...everyone was gone," I pouted a little. He laughed his contagious laugh, "of course." I felt my heart rate speed up, "so did Lissa mention forgiving me?" he suddenly looked more grim, "no sorry...she was really stressed out." I huffed, "And...she kind've asked me something..." He trailed off awkwardly and I frowned, "Continue." I said, "she asked me to be her temporary guardian."

I pulled away from him, "but your Christian's guardian." "They'll always be together at school and at court since the masquerade ball's coming up and it's just for a few weeks while your being re-instated," he swallowed afraid of my reaction, I narrowed my eyes. "Did you accept?" "Rose...she's my friend..." my eyes darkened, "You said yes?" I demanded, "Rose I didn't' want to leave her un-protected." I got up and paced around my cramped room, "Dimitri she's _my _charge!" I cried getting mad, "Well Rose maybe if you had better self-control you'd still have her." He still was calm, though I wasn't. "Still you can't just steal Lissa from me! And you also have Christian...your practically a guardian on steroids!" I screamed, now he was getting frustrated.

"Rose if your had kept your cool you wouldn't have been discharged!" I put my hand on my hips, "well you could have said 'no Lissa why Rose is you guardian and I won't intrude by taking her place' huh? Why didn't you say that!?" I was really pissed by this point, "because she needed protection and you put yourself before her...you weren't able to keep yourself in check enough to do it!" That was a bitch slap in the face... he'd hit a big nerve, "Dimitri...just go please." He huffed and with out another word left the room and slammed the door behind him, I wiped the tears from my face and began furiously gathering my suit cases, I wasn't going to stay here and watch my charge...my best friend be guarded by my boyfriend...I was done. I packed all my clothes, all my books, all my shoes, all my money and all my appliances. I had about 4 luggages in my hand but now there was nothing left in my room.

All trace of me was wiped from St. Vladamir's academy, this room was now bear...like I had found it when I had first moved in, I was now deleted from existence...no one knew where I was headed...no one knew what I was planning to do...no one knew what new life I was going to create. I left a perfectly written note, written in feather pen and it was calligraphy at it's best. I left it on my pillow for my 'friends' if I could call them that anymore, I picked up my bags and fled the room in a flash leaving no trace that I was ever there at all and like a shadow I ran from St Vladamir's to get on my plane and make my trip from Montana to Russia where my mother was. I had a ticket to get there and I was going to create a new life...Rose Hathaway was gone from St Vladamir's...my old home. Time to forget the past...after all the future's all I have.


	2. Chapter 2: Nowhere to Hide

**Me: *Who's gonna do the Disclaimer this time?***

**Rose: *I did it last chapter...don't look at me!***

**Me *Fine...then who wants to?***

**Rose: *Pick anyone but Dimitri and Lissa.***

**Lissa and Dimitri: *What!? Hey-***

**Me: (cutting them off) *Adrian! You play a huge part in this story...you do it!***

**Adrian: *I play a huge part? But I'm mad at Rose!***

**Rose: *Get over it please...***

**Me: *Please Adrian? You guys will make up soon I promise.***

**Adrian: *Alright for you...Ariana owns nothing but her own characters...everything else is property of Richelle Mead***

**Me: Thanx Adrian...Enjoy!***

**Rose P.O.V**

**_7 days Later..._**

I never felt so alone until today...it had been 7 days...only 7 since I'd left the Academy and I missed it like crazy...more and more each day, I missed Lissa and the way we would always laugh...best friends forever we used to say...blood sisters we used to be and now she hated me because I had embarrassed her. I missed Dimitri...I had lashed out and he was only doing what he thought best for Lissa cause she did need protection but...he already had Christian! Now he had both of them and...protecting Lissa had always been my thing and as much as I hated to admit it I was jealous...jealous of the man I loved.

Yes, I loved Dimitri...so very much...it hurt being apart from him, knowing we didn't exactly part on the best of terms. I also missed-as much as I 'd never admit it-Christian...he was one of my best friends and the banter between us was entertaining and I always could count on him to pick a fight or to have a go at...a sort of back and forth I should say. Damn it I missed the place...it was practically my childhood home! There was also one more person I missed...Adrian...he and I had been pissed at each other when I broke up with him...he wasn't Dimitri but I loved him...a different kind of love and now he was gone-I was gone.

I was barely eating here at my mother's...barely sleeping as well, I almost never left the room she had given me. I also never un-packed my stuff and I didn't think I ever would, because this wasn't my home and that was becoming painfully clear. I had absolutely nothing here that reminded me of my home because as Lissa always used to repeat 'home is where the heart is' and as cheesy as it is it was being shouted at me from all directions.

My heart wasn't in it-at least not here-...not far from everyone I cared about, but they didn't care about me at the moment...were they even looking? I surely was being missed and cried over right? Was I? Or were they throwing a party? Happy to be rid of me and all my idiocy because everything I did-every step that I took was a reckless mistake-and I hated it...hated myself for it.

"Idiot." I mumbled to myself, "Reckless." I said more loudly, "Dumbass." I started yelling, "Retard!" I was screaming at this point, "Useless...your fuckin' useless!" I screamed throwing one of my bed pillows against the plain white wall. I got up to retrieve it and placed it back on the bed, my mother was working guardian hours and it hurt to remember I was no longer a guardian anymore. I was all by myself but I felt like I deserved it...deserved to be deserted. I moved to look at myself in the mirror...I didn't see me-not Rose Hathaway-because she was strong, tough, careless, she was practically a wall when it came to blocking out her emotions. This girl in the mirror was broken, pathetic and worthless...my reflection was worthless...just like me.

_No..._I told myself finally, _you are not going to be a big ball of pity and self-loathing anymore...like a phoenix your gonna rise from the ashes. _I needed to regain myself...needed to get a grip cause if they wanted me gone fine! If they were happy I had left fine! If they weren't looking for me at all then fine! I was done...done being sad and lonely and depressed. I decided to change...get dressed up and head to a party being held tonight at a local mansion...a sort of house-warming party for new neighbors down the street from us...I could bring some champagne as a welcoming gift. I got up and wiped my tears-_this isn't you-_I told myself as I prepared to leave all my baggage in the dust.

"What to wear?" I had the bottle ready and my makeup was done...I had even painted my nails a navy color. My hair was in waves and it went down my back, I wore a pair of black wedge heels along with a black lace bra and pantie. I was pulling out all the stops...I was gonna blow them all away, I finally chose a tight navy and silver sleeveless dress with a dipping V-neckline. I was proud of how I had gotten myself together..._you go girl, _I told myself. _If only they could see you now...if only they could see how strong you are. _With my head held high I marched out the front door of our small cottage and made my way down the street, I was ready to kill.

"Hi my name is Rose...welcome to the neighborhood!" I presented the new neighbors with the fancy bottle of wine and they let me in with a huge smile, I started to dance the moment I got in...needing a sort of escape-distraction if you will-"hey!" A girl stumbled over to where I was dancing...obviously drunk as hell. "Want a drink?" She asked and handed me a tall crystalline glass filled with a blue liquid...probably whisky or vodka...or some type of margarita. I drank it either way and suddenly that feeling came over me...the one I knew all too well...the feeling of being high. I was drunk and stumbling like the serving girl had before, I felt nothing but at the same time I felt everything.

I was happy...very happy and nothing could bring me down...not tonight, wow that drink was strong and it worked fast. I was already losing record of where I was...who I was. I loved the buzzing feeling, it was a rush. I forgot my problems in that moment...in that moment thanks to the alcohol everything was perfect. "Hey..." I slurred walking up to a super hot guy with brown sandy hair, pale brown eyes and a perfectly sculpted jaw as well as chiseled features...just like Dimitri. "Hey I'm Adam," I saw him scan every inch of my body and I didn't think twice in my drunken' state to let him have it...to let him touch it.

"You want me?" I stuttered and he nodded without a second thought, "Come on." I tugged him to the staircase and he led me to an empty room where there was no bed...just a wooden floor...how comfortable for sex. I pulled him to the center after locking the door, he pulled off my dress and dropped it somewhere in our wake as we tangled our bodies together and even though I kept calling him Dimitri the whole time he was too drunk to care. I shoved off my heels, he pulled off his shirt, I unclasped my bra, he unzipped his pants.

I threw off my bra, he discarded his jeans, I tantalizingly traced the outline of my pantie and he jumped onto me before I could breath. Oh god did I miss this feeling in the last 7 days...the feeling of being wanted...even though it wasn't this unknown guy I wanted to explore my body or kiss me fiercely or whisper dirty little secrets in my ear...it was Dimitri and I wanted him terribly.

Wanted his Russian accent, the smell of his aftershave, the way he said my name in Russian; Roza, wanted to hear him tell me he loved me and I needed so badly to say it back to him. This man smelled like cigarettes and scotch which if I were sober would have totally turned me off. I felt him tighten his hold around me and I felt so damn hot...I loved the sensation.

I suddenly heard a really loud noise, the noise of a gun shot. I tried to pull away from the man but he was engrossed in groping my waist and I had to pry him off. I threw on my bra and dress before kicking on my heels. I ran out the door leaving the confused naked hot stranger to watch me leave, I zoomed up the staircase to see the cause of the huge commotion and fear spread through me as I found out what it was...Strigoi dozens of them...and they were on a killing spree.

I ditched the party as fast as I could leaving the place to burn down in flames, I went back to my mom's house down the street knowing I didn't have much time. They were looking for someone...probably me so I figured they were gonna check out all the houses on this street, how did they know I had left St Vladamir's? How did they know I was in Russia? How could I have overlooked this in my brilliant plan of running away? No time for questions or answers because I had to leave now, I threw all my stuff in my suitcases and seeing as I could barely stand upright I packed the heels I was wearing in the luggage with the rest of my shoes...and decided to run bear foot.

I had all my 4 bags with me and I made a break for it leaving my mother a note as well, damn was I leaving a lot of them. I slowly made my way down the street and through the central park near my mother's house, I was having trouble seeing...stupid alcohol...again another reckless act that had gotten me in a hell of a lot of trouble. I saw some shadowy figures move into the house behind me and my line of vision allowed me to see the Strigoi had just invaded my house, _I left just in time._

I started running despite all the tripping I was doing...and I was tripping a lot, I carefully maneuvered my bags so they'd be unharmed by my falls. How many people were dead because I had been there? Because I had been at that party? Wrong place, wrong time maybe? No...I was a fuckin' curse and now my mom would have to be relocated to her other base in Bolivia. I felt guilt pore through the alcohol's numbing sensation, I had no where else to go now...maybe I could enroll at another school and stay on their campus...in their dorms but I would need money. I saw a small split level house that had been ransacked by the Strigoi and hiding my 4 luggage's under a bush I made a beeline for the cheap house. I was in and out in a matter of seconds, I searched every room...every drawer and found $134 in that house but that was not nearly enough, in all with my money I had $456 but I needed more.

I saw across from it there was a huge colonial mansion that had the door busted open, no Strigoi...they had moved downward from where I was to the street where the house I had just fled was located. No people, I ran into that house and robbed it dry.

Man did I score huge on this one, I found gold watches and jewelry. I even stole another suitcase and had taken a closet full of more clothes and shoes. I looted everything and in all with my money now I had; $1,389,967. I ran back to the woods where I had placed my bags, I felt bad...cause this was other people's money but they were either now dead or turned Strigoi so it wasn't like they could get me for it. I grabbed my four bags again and along with my new one from my robbery I now had 5. I was set financially but I felt so much like a thief...I felt so guilty.

Pushing that aside I made for Samara, from Moscow that was a hell of a long trip but there was an airport near here, there was a school I'd read about in Samara for a report; St. Viktor College. The name reminded me so much of St. Vladamir's but I frowned at the memories...those people didn't want me. I went onward, finding an unused black Camaro I jacked it like I had the Honda and drove it to Abram airport in Moscow. I checked the GPS app on my phone and once sure of the direction made away like a criminal into the night.


	3. Chapter 3: Never going Back

**Me: *La la la la la la LA!***

**Rose: *O-kay...this is awkward...***

**Adrian: *Um...Ari?***

**Me: *La-What?* **

**Adrian: *the disclaimer? Your gonna do it right?***

**Me: *Of course Adri.***

**Adrian: *Do not ever call me that again!***

**Me: (smirking) *KK Adriana***

**Adrian: (fuming) *Ya know what? How about I go get another gig doing the disclaimer somewhere else huh?***

**Me: *Really? Cuz you appear in this chapter.**

**Adrian and Rose: *WHAT?!***

**Me: *Yup...you and Rose make up.***

**Rose: *But he doesn't know where I am...***

**Me: *He comes to you in a dream.***

**Adrian: *YES I APPEAR!***

**Me: *Anyway...sadly I do not own anything but my own characters...everything else belongs to Richelle Mead...Enjoy!***

**Rose P.O.V**

**_3 days later..._**

I'd been driving for 3 days...3 fuckin' days! I was seeing nothing but the open road ahead of me, I'd landed in Samara and gotten off the plane yesterday and when I had jacked a car at the airport I had gotten lost. 3 days without a real house...3 days without anything but motel food and cheap bedrooms, finally I got smart and contacted the College as they were expecting me...they had given me the right directions but a huge chunk of my pride had been taken away from me in that moment.

"Yes...finally!" I parked in the student parking and looked at St. Viktors...my new home, I felt the same pang of hurt I'd felt in the last couple of days spark up again but promptly ignored it. I got out, my hair was a mess. I was wearing the same exact dress as that night and I was still bear foot, I was in desperate need of a shower. "Hello...you must be Rosemarie Hathaway," "Call me Rose." The elderly man nodded, "I'm headmaster Gregory." He looked to be at least 47 yrs. old, "Pleasure to meet our newest student. I hear your enrolled in our all honors program?" I nodded, "math, English and Russian." I said excitedly, I was a grest student and while I was here I had gone for the high honors program where all my classes were harder...more enhanced. "Well here's your schedule...again welcome and I will give you the day off to settle into your room. Here's your key and your dorm number is floor 3 room 24," he pointed to a big building to his right and I nodded. A day to unpack...more than what Kirova had given Lissa and I when we returned.

"Thank you...I look forward to learning here..." _not,_ I watched as he stared at my low cut dress and I felt like poking out his perverted eyes. I headed toward my new dorm and smiled to myself...my new life...I was ready for it.

"Oh wow," I was shocked...my room was huge. It had a big queen size double bed in the middle, a big bay window on the far left, it's walls were an ivory cream color. I had my own desk...it was a mahogany color with a black lamp on it and a black leather desk chair, my dresser was huge and took the entire right wall and I also had one of those antique fancy chandeliers. My room war perfect, it was _mine._

"Mine," I jumped on my bed and let my 5 bag flop to the floor. After 20 min of that I realized I had another room in my room, a personal bathroom with a shower and toilet. I checked myself out in the mirror, deciding before even remotely doing anything else I'd wash myself. A shower improved my mood even more and I let the hot water soothe me like it used to back at St. Vladamir's but here was different...it was new. I then wrapped a towel around myself and threw my sweaty dress in a hamper that was placed near the bathroom door, I proceeded to unpack first...then change. I unpacked all my makeup until my bathroom looked like a pharmacy had thrown up in it, I unpacked all my clothes and shoes until it looked like I was living in a department store...honestly my dresser was stuffed...I was surprised it didn't explode with all the clothing and shoes I organized in it. Then I set my jewelry near my dresser on a spare desk that was smaller than the other, it was now cramped with bracelets, pendants, necklaces. earrings, rings, lockets, headbands, bows and anklets. I then unpacked my silver apple computer and plugged it into an outlet near my desk. I also unpacked all my books and alarm clock on my nightstand, my Jansport backpack with it's zebra pattern was on my desk as well.

My room was now officially my home, I took the key to it and put it on an empty chain before fastening it around my neck so not to lose it. I tied my hair in a ponytail and looked around, I went to my new dresser and pulled it open, I chose what I'd wear to break in my new dorm room... and happily the school didn't have a uniform. I chose a pair of blue denim skinny jeans, a white sleeveless blouse, a black leather belt and a pair of heeled velvet boots.

"This is you..." I was talking to myself, "your new life..." I was losing my mind. "Your free of your past," Rambling was never really my style but I was going on and on cause I had do much to say. "You showed them," I went on more. "You rubbed their faces in it," _Rose get a grip. _"Your stronger than they are," stop, stop, stop! "Your better than this..." _I was better than this. _With that last though I turned to sit on my bed and then burst into tears.

I was letting out everything I'd bee holding in so far, I wasn't invincible...what they did had hurt and damn did it burn a lot more than I wanted it to. I suddenly remembered something and took out the $1,389,967 from my pocket, I couldn't carry this much money around all the time. I looked at the wall and got up to feel it, _yes! _There was a safe built into it, I opened it and place my money inside the small steel confined space.

Setting the PIN I put in the most likely thing I'd remember, the day Lissa and I had met. Five-zero-one-three, it was a no brainer to me and my money was locked away-safe-as it should be. I looked at my bed, the sheets and pillow cases were a beige color. Now with everything safe and in place I took out my phone for the first time since I'd run away, 300 messages and over 40 missed calls. Lissa had been frantically texting me to see if I'd answer and when that hadn't happened she'd called me at lest seventeen times. Dimitri had texted me more than I'd thought possible and with a total of 27 missed calls from him, Christian-much to his credit- as well had texted and called me panicked and concerned. The school as well had called me a few times as well as my mother. She texted me that the school had also contacted her and she was mad at me for telling her I was visiting her for a break from school instead of telling her the truth...I honestly didn't care at all though.

Everyone was apparently worried sick about me but I knew their game...they wanted to lure me back well it wasn't happening...this like it or not was my new damn life. I hooked my phone to it's charger and for the first time took a look at my schedule.

Russian Literature

Pre-Calculus

English Language Arts

Scientific Method and Theory

Combat Training

Geography

Perspective Art

World History

Some of my classes were advanced because of the program I was enrolled in but 'perspective art' and 'combat training' had been my first choice electives and the only ones I even remotely liked. Finally thinking I was done for the day I hoped to get some peace in sleep...and god damn it was I wrong because I was visited by someone...someone whom I though hate my guts.

_Rose's Dream..._

_"Hey little dhampir," _

_Adrian..._

_"What the hell Adrian?"_

_"Really? After all this time that's all you have to say to me?"_

_"After everything we discussed before the first thing you say to me is 'hey little dhampir?'_

_He laughed a little,_

_"Point Rose."_

_"Adrian why are you here?"_

_"Because you ran away,"_

_"No one wants me there...no one need me at St Vladamir's."_

_"Rose that is a load of bullshit,"_

_"I was fired Adrian."_

_He looked sympathetic, "I know and I'm sorry."_

_"Whatever...why are you even talking to me?"_

_"Because your in need of a friend," I blinked back tears._

_"Does anyone know what your doing right now?" He shook his head, "No one does...where are you?"_

_I laughed, "Never telling...I'm gone...I don't exist anymore."_

_"Yes you do...your standing right in front of me," I lowered my gaze to the floor._

_"I'm never going back Adrian...I can't go back there,"_

_"Fine don't tell me where the hell you are or what your doing-" I cut him off,_

_"I'm creating a new life, your not supposed to be in it."_

_"Well I'm shaking things up," I chuckled a little._

_"Adrian I'm not the same as I was when you knew me,"_

_"No your not but you still belong at St Vladamir's."_

_I stared at him finally...taking in his appearance, he looked just the same...just as hot, just as sarcastic, wearing a grey shirt and black tight sweat pants with messed up hair._

_"Adrian I belong where I am now,"_

_"It's up to you but know that your still loved...your still missed and Lissa nor Dimitri nor Christian nor even me will ever give up on looking for you Rose."_

_I shook with sadness, "Please Adrian."_

_"I may not know where you are or what life your now leading but I still love you... I'm still in love with you...that will never change."_

_I started tearing up, "St Vladamir's will find you Rose...we'll never give up...your past will catch up to you...it's only a matter of time."_

_With that Adrian disappeared._

_End of Rose's Dream..._

I shot up in bed coughing and gasping, damn it Adrian. He still loved me...too bad I didn't love him that way... my heart belonged to someone else and he was searching for me. My friends wouldn't give up...I couldn't outrun my past, I wasn't home free...I never was or could be with them looking.

I decided that if they wanted to find my they'd have to look hard cause I wasn't going down without some sort of damn fight to protect what I was building...what I had now created...what was now mine.

_Let them come, _I thought...they couldn't have me.


	4. Chapter 4: Something you can never fix

***Disclaimer***

**Me: *Hello?***

**(no one answers)**

**Me: *Hello?***

**(crickets chirping)**

**Me: *So everyone left me? Jeez thanks! Just for that I'm gonna add a twist to this story!***

**(tumbleweed passes by me)**

**Me: *You guys are such abandoners! You know I bet your all getting another gig saying the disclaimer somewhere else huh?***

**Adrian: *Ari why are you screaming?***

**Me: *ADRIAN!***

**Adrian: *...yes?***

**Me: *I am so happy you are here and you didn't leave me cuz I have abandonment issues!***

**Adrian: *...your welcome?***

**Me: *Since your the only one here you can do the disclaimer***

**Adrian: *But I already did it once...***

**Me: *Pwease?***

**Adrian: *Fine...Ariana does not own anything except her original characters...everything else belongs to Richelle Mead***

**Me: *ENJOY!***

Rose's P.O.V

_1 week later..._

I felt free, I never imagined having that feeling again. Ever since Lissa and I's return to St. Vladamir's I'd always felt this compelling need to be on guard, this instinct to protect Lissa and that made me realize that I couldn't be free. I had to always be ready to risk everything for her, as they'd always told me...she comes first.

Now it was different, no one came first. I was the only person I had to take care of. I loved it, loved knowing that I could drink, party, focuse on _me. _I was the center of my own universe for the first time in forever. No one could tell me otherwise, no one could tell me what to do anymore. I, Rose Hathaway could finally do whatever I pleased and it was gonna take centuries for anyone to fix all of the damage.

I flirted with tons of guys on the college campus but nothing really serious, of course I went on plenty of dates with them but I could never really open up to anyone. I told myself it was because I just didn't want to commit to anything after all I'd been through, but that wasn't it at all. Somewhere inside of me I knew that the part of me that could love was still at St. Vladamirs...still with Dimitri.

_No..._I told myself, _no your not gonna mope or be sad anymore, your gonna kick-ass. Your Rose fuckin' Hathaway, you can forget and you will forget. _My subconscious and I were in an all out war with each other, I couldn't let go of my past...it was to strong.

I breathed a long puff of air then blew it out through my mouth, perspective art...I had that next. I was at least halfway across campus from where the building the class was being held at so I better hurry, "hey Rose!" I turned to see a new friend I had met here, well actually he was more than just a friend. We were sort of together. His name was Keith Novak and he and I were _very _close, he and I had done more than just talking when he visited me in my dorm and vice versa. "Sup'?" I answered him casually, "I need to ask you something." I nodded, "sure what?" He paused for a moment before rushing out his sentence, "will you be my girlfriend?"

I was shocked to say the least, I knew he and I were close but I hadn't had a boyfriend since...well _him. _I did really like Keith and he was a very fun person to be with, he was like Mason. I could say anything around him, Mason and I had been like that...in fact Keith even looked like Mason a bit...he had his red hair.

I needed to move on, Keith and I could be more than just F. F's or friends with benefits...right? I could start thinking of him that way...and I was, I was ready for this...Dimitri _who? _I mused to myself before looking into Keith's pale blue eyes, "yes." My answer was one small insignificant word but to me it meant more novelty...it meant I was closer to forgetting _them._

"Really?" Keith seemed ecstatic, so was I...I was finally moving on. "Yes, really." He smiled and for a second I thought he was gonna kiss me but instead his strong hands wrapped around my waist and he picked me up, spinning me around. I was laughing, a real laugh...the most real laugh that I'd done in a month.

"Put me down!" I cried mockingly, Keith put me down but his hands never left my waist...they continued to rub my waist softly. "Rose?" He asked suddenly, "what?" I responded smiling up at him, "well I always wanted to ask you this but never had the courage but today I feel like I could do anything so...here it is, can you tell me about your past?" I froze at that, I didn't want to answer that but with Keith looking at me with his big eyes I collapsed.

"Okay but not now, after school ends...in my room alright? Cause I need to get to art class like now and if I don't the teacher will cut a biach." He laughed, "Sure...I'll see you later in your dorm?" I nodded, "sure...see you them." I was dreading seeing him after but I owed it to him to explain my background, I waited for him to be out of sight before actually heading to my class. I ran so not to be late, my training with you know who coming in handy because I made it there in 2 min. with my endurance.

* * *

"Rose hey!" I smiled fondly at Keith as he entered my room, "hey Keith." "You look great," Keith said inspecting me. I had changed after finishing my homework for that day, I had decided to wear something a bit more hot than the pair of denim jeans and red blouse I had on earlier. Now my hair was loose and down in little ringlet waves, I was wearing a black tight mini dress that ended at my thighs and a pair of 4 inch black strap high heels. I needed all the help I could get tonight, my past wasn't exactly the easiest thing to explain and I had to keep out so much...like that I came from a generation of dhampirs, that I used to live in a world with Moroi, Strigoi and guardians. I had to lie through my teeth during half of my story, and I also had to change the part where I had run away.

"Sit down, get comfortable...the story of my life isn't the easiest...I'm not the simplest person to figure out either." "I have all the time in the world to figure you out Rose," Keith smiled warmly at me before lying down on my bed. I sighed, "Well I was born in Montana, my birthday is September 10th 1996. I'm 17 yrs. old, my full name is Rosemarie Hathaway but if you ever call me that I'll kill you. I attended...a boarding school in Montana, which is where I met most of my old friends, then I moved. I came here and started attending St. Vicktor's then I met you, and here we are."

Keith looked at me skeptically, "your not gonna go into much detail are you?" I shook me head, "nope." "Rose if that's really all there is to your past why didn't you ever tell me? Or answer any of my questions on it? And who is that blond girl on the background of you cell phone?" I froze, Lissa...the blond girl was Lissa. "She used to be my best friend."

"What happened?" "She moved away," I lied so naturally. I didn't even blink once, I didn't have to scramble for a lie...I had them all lined up. "Oh...sorry," he looked sheepish for a second before turning serious. "What was here name?" I fought back tears, "Lissa...her name was Lissa." He nodded, seeming to understand. Of course he would, Keith understood everything whether about me or not.

I tried to make a joke, "if only I could tell the administration my past as well as I could you than maybe they won't be suspicious of me being a plant by the government." Keith laughed and my goal to ease the tension as well as change the subject was achieved. "Your a special case Rose Hathaway, I'll admit that." I smirked, "maybe I'm not...maybe I just don't wanna be a normal case." He laughed again, "maybe I wanna be a nutcase? Huh?" He practically glowed whenever I made a joke but suddenly his face got serious again, "can you tell me about your family?" I suddenly didn't feel so hot but after everything Keith had done for me he deserved an explanation...I owed him that.

"Not much to tell, my dad's name is Abe...that's actually all I want to say about him, my mom's name is Janine Hathaway and she's a...bodyguard for some very important people and I don't have any siblings." I had lied about my mother and father but what else could I have said? The truth? "What about your family tree, tell me about that?" He knew that I was trying to advert attention of my family to his but he didn't call me on it, instead he told me what I wanted to know.

"My mom's an English teacher, she's from London, England. My dad's a scientist working with energy reactors down in Siberia," _God damn it...Siberia. _"Any brothers? Sisters?" He suddenly seemed very sad, "I used to have a half-sister but she died 2 yrs. ago." My hand flew to cover my gaping mouth, "I am so sorry...I'm such a douche aren't I?" He gave a small smile, "your a pretty douche." I smiled triumphantly at him, "how did your half-sister...you know?" "Die? Wild animal attack, she was bit by a tiger or bear or something like that right on the neck...where the jugular is." I froze, jugular? That sounds familiar, "and there was this weird glazed over look in her eye, like before she died she was hypnotized or something." I was getting more and more scared, "what was her name?" He looked surprised, "Maia Reitman...why?" "Just wanted to know..." _Maia Reitman...where had I heard that name before? "_She was attending some school called St. Vladamir's at the time," _damn it he said the V.A word...I needed to pull myself together. _Because I just found out that Keith's half-sister had been killed by Strigoi, his half-sister...probably unbeknownst to him had definitely a Moroi.

"Well thanks for sharing that with me and I'm so sorry about your half-sister," "it's cool...and anyway my half-sister wasn't really all there...some people considered her a curse." I tilted my head, "a curse? Why?" "Because whenever she was around really weird shit would happen...like the wind getting stronger even when we were inside and the air in the room would always be ballistic." His half-sister was an air user, holy fuck.

"Well I'm sure she was-" I stopped talking as I felt something rush up my throat, I made a beeline for the bathroom. Keith was yelling at me and was following me, I felt my supper from yesterday come rushing back and that made me realize I hadn't eaten today. I felt Keith collect all my hair and hold it for me, I puked and puked. I had been feeling sick for a while now, not getting my period either but I was sure that I had come down with something that explained what was happening to me.

"Rose are you okay?" Keith asked from behind me, "yeah I'm-" I was cut off yet again by another hacking session. "Fine," I finally got out in-between hacks. "Can I please be alone now? Cause I don't wanna get you sick and I'm not comfortable looking like this in front of you, sorry Keith." I apologized but the reason I wanted him to leave wasn't because of the excuses I'd made up...it's because I had a test to try.

"Sure Rose, I'll see you when your feeling better right? And I'll bring you some chicken soup later on okay?" I nodded, he was such an amazing boyfriend...speaking of which I loved thinking of him in that way, before he left he grabbed an elastic and tied my hair up so it wouldn't get in my face...he really was the total package.

"Bye, Rose." "Bye, Keith." I watched him leave my dorm room and once he had another big rush of puke came crawling up after being held in too long, it was about 10 minutes later when I finally felt comfortable to detach myself from the toilet. It smelled like crap after that so here's what I did, I brushed my teeth for and hour to get rid of the smell, I sprayed a whole bottle of 'Frebreeze' in the bathroom, I actually scrubbed down my toilet...with gloves of course and finally I flushed down the evidence.

Plopping down on my bathroom's now clean floor I opened a box, inside that box was something I never thought I'd use here of all places. Not now when everything was going so sweet, not now that my life was in the process of re-building itself. What I was holding in the palm of my hand could either be my life-saver or my the fuckin' iceberg that sank my titanic...the damn anchor to my cruiser.

I Rose Hathaway now hold in my hand a pregnancy test, I had purchased it when the morning sickness had started and when my period had not come I should have taken it right then but I had been in denial but now after starting to puke in the afternoon as well and not receive my period for another whole month I finally swallowed my pride and decided to test the fate's.

I went through the procedure of peeing on the test and then waited a while for it to process, I had bought two brands do hopefully maybe one would give me the answer I wanted because Keith and I had never had sex...the only person whom I could've had sex with and without a condom would be...Dimitri. That couldn't fucking happen..no actually that was not a freakin' option either.

I heard a beeping noise and went to grab some paper towels to wrap to test in, then I reluctantly checked for the result. If there was an x with the word positive next to it, it meant I was pregnant, if it was a z with the word negative next to it, it meant I wasn't and I really hoped it was the latter.

I opened my eyes to see a blinking neon red positive sign and an x, I threw that test in the garbage right away. Not wanting to believe it, then I took the second one I bought and ended up with the same result. This one though was more specific...I was 3 weeks pregnant, I was 3 weeks pregnant with my child...with Dimitri's child.

This wasn't happening, not to me. Clearly the fate's were conspiring against me because now just when I thought everything was just getting better, my life fell apart at the seams again. I was fucked, thoroughly and un-questionably fucked...this just wasn't my fucking day.


End file.
